You have parted the seas of pain in my life
Been my fortress in the fires of my suffering
Walked with me
Over the waters of my fear
And through every storm
You have been my covering.
How much more can you do
In these Covid times we are in,
As events continue to unfold.
We have seen it before
And we will see it again
Your goodness, Your victory, retold!
There will be times you are at your lowest points
When anguish engulfs you and there is nowhere left to run
And the words of our loved ones fall flat, hallow
No one can meet you in this darkness
And the support will seem lack lustre
Will seem disingenuous
Will be flawed
And you retreat within, in solitude
Praying away this poison chalice
This cup of suffering
In a manic display
Until your legs give way and succumb
To the gravity of surrender
And then
Beyond the unrest
Beyond the disquiet of your anxiety
The starring of the still small voice
Overtakes you to reveal
“Beyond this pain
Beyond this bitter suffering
And far beyond what your mind can perceive
Lays a promise, a hope,
A purpose for all that be
Rooted in my immeasurable love
And, oh, how I love you,
Cherished one
One day you will see
The glory and the splendour
Of an eternity with me.”
And as these words leave me
Some things do stay
Like the peace that passeth understanding
To guide me on my way.
Looking back at Seasons Change I can see how the inspirations that drove the poem really shine through. One being this poem:
“Of all the people you have kissed she was your favourite because she didn’t flinch when you curled your hand around her neck and tightened. She said “I break the law because I’ve never broken a heart and I want to know what it feels like to be the brick not the window pane”. When she’s drunk she’ll dress up for you, all straps & lace & stockings. When she’s high she’ll dress down for you, all skin & skin & skin.” – by Annabelle Nyst
These powerful, delicate lines have followed me for over 5 years, still affecting me each time I read them and I wanted to write a poem that carried the same energy and life (a very hard task but at least I tried).
From what started off as a few lines, my poem gained a life of its own as I got really involved with the idea that I wanted this poem to be about love, to about a relationship that goes through natural seasons. A love that grows from an intense infatuation into a mild disdain, leading to an eventual break up. I wanted this poem to really embody the imagery of earth’s four seasons (here’s hoping I achieved that??).
When I wrote “Seasons Change” in 2017, it may have been a few months after a month long romance I had that I couldn’t say inspired this poem entirely as the love presented in this poem is grounded in a long-standing relationship that I had yet to experience. But I find it so interesting how I can transfigure my experience, of a short whirlwind romance, into a poem about a true love relationship that grew cold over time and only freedom from that relationship could bring my protagonist back to the warmth of her own self love. But I guess that’s the beauty of art and partially fictional prose.
I can relate to this poem a lot more now after recently coming out of a relationship and feeling the comfort and relief that can come from a much needed time alone. It’s interesting to think that this poem kind of foreshadows things I was yet to experience. But that could be a result of time being an illusion, that the dividing line between past, present and future is an illusion, that everything that has happened or will happen is happening right now in this very moment but we are unable to perceive it. But I digress…
This poem is about a seasonal love affair that contains the same torrid energy as the weather, holding the same beauty and inescapably mystery.
Your Truly,
Ruth Elora -x-
P.S. Read ‘Seasons Change‘ if you haven’t yet, love ya xx
You were my climate
I would bend & yield to your slightest variation
When you were my sun, I would dress down for you, all skin, melanin, exposure
Blanketed by your warmth
I vacationed in your love
Until the season called for your coldness
I would grimace & endure your presence
Like a sore throat in recovery
The autumns of your indifference
Brought with it a kaleidoscope of mystery
As the leaves fell from our dreams
Unrealised
We marvelled at the unsettling paradox
That the beauty of our ideals may never be fully actualised
But the beauty remains unwavering
All the same
The winter of our love
Brought with it a necessary mourning
As I purged you, heart and soul
Piercing through with icy precision
I allowed it to hurt
I gloried in the courage it took to brave your coldness
To endure
Until the last morsel of this blizzarding love
Melted away
Bringing forth a spring of reflection
Of clarity
As I meditated on all the reasons I had to leave:
That no matter how hard I tried to adapt
To your vicissitudes
Your endless variations
I found myself staring
Perpetually
At this ticket back
To myself
For my heart is a tropical island
Of dreams & beauty & irresistible warmth
Until my rain comes like a hot baptism
Ready to cleanse & make a new
To saver in the promise of a warmer tomorrow
And for now, maybe that’s what I need more
As I vacationed in your temperate maritime climate
It is time for this sojourning soldier to return home
Welcome to Ruth's Rhapsody 